Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Not all who wander are lost

But sometimes those wander are lost.  For many years I was lost.  I flitted around.  I lived in Sydney and then moved back to Brisbane.  Lived in Melbourne and then back to Brisbane.   In between these interstate sojourns I would move to New Farm or Woolloongabba and live there and then move back home.

I think I was lost without realising.  This was all during my mid to late twenties.  About a month before I turned 30 I moved to London for six months.  I was running away.  I did not like the idea of turning 30.  I did not like where I was in my life.  I was very very unsatisfied and felt geographical location was the reason.

Of course it wasn't.  I was unhappy with myself.  I also think I was suffering depression.  Not as dark and empty as recent times but just a mild depression that sat like a hole in my stomach.  I did not recognise it because I blamed everything else except that.

Now all I want to do is live in the one place.  I do want to travel but I want to do it with my husband and definitely kid free.

Now I will wander and get lost but just for the pure joy of it, not because I need to be found.

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