You can all just Kiss off into the Air

If you were a teenager in the eighties you would most likely had Violent Femmes on permanent rotation.  Or, if you were lucky like me, you had one of those boom boxes (google it you young 'uns) with a cassette deck that had auto reverse I think is what it was called.  Basically it meant the tape played both sides without you having to get off your hormonal driven self centred backside to change sides.

This was pretty close to what mine looked like except my speakers detached which was way way cool.  I don't think it made any difference to the sound but it was cool.

I loved Violent Femmes but, at the time, my favourite of all their songs was "Kiss Off"

I need someone, a person to talk to
Someone who'd care to love
Could it be you?
Could it be you?

The situation gets rough, and I start to panic
It's not enough, it's just a habit
And, kid, you're sick
Well, darling, this is it

Well, you can all just kiss off into the air
Behind my back, I can see them stare
They'll hurt me bad, but I won't mind
They'll hurt me bad, they do it all the time (yeah, yeah!)
Yeah, they do it all the time (yeah, yeah!)
They do it all the time (do it all the time!)
They do it all the time (do it all the time!)
They do it all the time, do it all the time

I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record!
Oh, yeah? Well, don't get so distressed
Did I happen to mention that I'm impressed?

I take one, one, one 'cause you left me
And two, two, two for my family
And three, three, three for my heartache
And four, four, four for my headaches
And five, five, five for my lonely
And six, six, six for my sorrow
And seven, seven for no tomorrow
And eight, eight, I forget what eight was for
But nine, nine, nine for the lost gods
Ten, ten, ten, ten for everything, everything, everything

Well, you can all just kiss off into the air
Behind my back, I can see them stare
They'll hurt me bad, but I won't mind
They'll hurt me bad, they do it all the time (yeah, yeah!)
Yeah, they do it all the time (yeah, yeah!)
They do it all the time (do it all the time!)
They do it all the time (do it all the time!)
They do it all the time, do it all the time, do it all the time

I thought it was just so cool.  I knew it was about taking tablets but I thought it was romantic and so angst driven.  Now, I still love the song but I realise it is a much sadder darker song then what my teenage mind could conceive.  This person was angry, they were going to show the world and they were going to do it by hurting themselves.

I listen to it now and sing along to it as well as Blister in the Sun and Add it Up but just for nostalgic reasons as it takes me back to a time when my life was simple and full of hope.  I know not all teenagers had it as easy as me and for teenagers now there is a lot of stress, peer group pressure and cyber bullying.

I am going to dedicate this song to my depression.  It can Kiss off into the air and I won't mind.

Today, I am going to start my shift.  This shift is nothing physical.  But, I am going to change.  Not change who I am, but change how I think about things.  Most of my life I have held onto the crap that I could not change.  You know the stuff we label 'unfair'.  I have carried it with me.  It has grown, accrued and multiplied. It is little wonder I suffer from chronic depression.

So on this day I pledge to start changing the way I think about all the 'unfair' things in my life.  It means accepting them, acknowledging them - saying, yeah I see you but you know what Fuck you too.  I don't have to let you grind me down.  You are not going to add to my load.  So just Kiss off into the air ok.

For awhile I might feel a bit empty because I will no longer be holding onto this crap.  But as the saying goes "one door closes and another one opens".  But I will be knocking on each door first to make sure I am entering a zone where I can just be.  Where I can work on my pods and keep any door to crap closed.

One day, I may write a bit about this crap.  But not yet.  I don't want to write about it while I am still trying to let it go.  I will write about it when it is gone and then we can write it's obituary.

Now to something nice.  I promised I would share some of my art with you.  I am very very proud of my developing art skills.  I find it so cathartic and emotional to draw.

Pardon the quality of the pic as I used my phone to take it.  This is called 'Songs About Rainbows' which was a title of a previous post.  I find as I write I need to also draw what I am writing.  I did this with chalk pastels. I love working with chalk pastels.

So from me to you, always be kind, you don't know what people have experienced this morning, yesterday etc. 

Take care, 

Laura

PS I have exciting news but will only share once I know it is definite.