Sunday, March 20, 2011

Putting on the Ritz

If you're blue and you don't know where to go,
Why don't you go where fashion sits,
Putting on the Ritz

Most people walk around wearing a mask.  It may be to simply cover their vulnerability, their sadness, in certain situations their happiness and then commonly to cover their depression.  I did it.  And I would challenge, any one person who can honestly say they have never ever done this.  Let's face it, we all have.

Why do we do this?  I think partly it may stem from that British stiff upper lip, you know that stoic I am ok, I can cope, I am not suffering, that peeping out the window worrying what the neighbours will think.   And you know what.  Excuse the language; but fuck that.  I am never going to again wear a mask for the comfort of others.

This will, of course at times, be difficult.  "You simply cannot unring the bell".  Borrowed that from another blog, thank you Alizah.  I am proud to say, that I have not quietly hid in hospital whilst receiving treatment for my depression.  Short of shouting it to the world, it has not been a secret.  In the future, my healthy future, perhaps some will use any mood or action of mine as evidence of my "craziness".  And I am not going to care.  Let them whisper behind their hands; at least they are talking about me, which must mean I am interesting lol.  In my future I am going to do loads of crazy stuff.  And this crazy stuff will be me just living.  I might dye my hair bright pink, I might pierce my eyebrow, I am definitely getting another tattoo or two.  I am going to dance when I feel like it, sing out loud, but cry out loud also.

You could call this my rebellion.  Why, you may ask?  Because for too long I have not been living at all; just simply existing.  Some days I would go through the motions, but most I would not even bother with motions. I was both present yet invisible.

If you and I should cross paths on a day when perhaps my depression (and hopefully this will never happen) is wearing me down.  Please don't tell me to cheer up, ok.  You can say hi.  You can say gee you look like crap.  Or lie and say you look great.  You can say you look like you are having a bad day.  That is fine but please do not tell me to cheer up.

I am going to from now on be relaxed and unmasked.  I will also be more aware of what the signs of my depression are.  And instead of waiting for the breakdown I will be proactive and take action while it is still a molehill.

Although, it is fun putting on the ritz, I will not do it for the sake of others. I will try not to be Eeyore, but I will also draw the line at being happy when I am not.

Another day of my journey has almost come to an end.  But my journey is still at the beginning.  It is going to be a journey like no other.   As I, too am like no other.

Take care, and as always be kind.


  1. I don't agree :P

    But this was very well written, and I'm glad I read it. Thank you.