Have you seen the film clip for Powderfinger's song 'Burn Your Name'. Before you read any further go here and scroll down and watch the film clip. I will never ever forget this film clip. Firstly I heard the song on the radio and being a 'finger fan loved loved loved it. THEN, I saw the film clip. I cried. I bawled my eyes out. It meant so much to me.
I have since found out this is the Yi Peng Festival held in Thailand mid to late November each year. Tubular lanterns, resembling hot air balloons are lit and released into the night sky as an offering to Buddha. It is a beautiful spectacular symbolic letting go.
Recently I took my kids to see Tangled. Another Disney fabulosity. A rehash of Rapunzel and it is a fantastic movie. Part of the movie also has a Lantern Festival. Without spoiling it for people who have not seen the movie this Lantern Festival is also annual and signifies loss and yearning.
I wanted to talk about my inability to let go. I am a hoarder. I have every single letter ever sent to me. Do I read them? No. I have every single concert and movie ticket I have ever been too. I am not as bad as some hoarders you see sometimes on A Current Affair. Hoarding is an illness. Part of my hoarding has also been holding onto relationships that have long burnt out or become toxic. When I read a book and I hate it I must finish it. I do things in a certain way, I cannot change the way I do it. I know how I live my life is not working. I mean seriously, I am writing this in a psychiatric hospital. I am here because I have given up on myself.
I need to learn new ways. I need to change the way I think, change how I think about myself, change what is important and let go what is not. I need to remember who my friends/family are and not take them for granted but instead rejoice that they stand up for me and they have not given up on me.
Why am I letting the toxicity of the minority continue to tear me apart. They have proven they are not important in my life. They have proven they are shallow uncaring people who cannot see past their own selfish lifestyles. So why should I care. I am not going to anymore.
When I get home like my darling Bernard from Powderfinger (who is secretly in love with me even though he doesn't know it) I am going to write the poisons and toxic shit in my life onto a lantern. I am going to cover it with everything in my life I want to change or let go. I am going to light the flame and send it off into the universe. Let the universe deal with it. The universe can decide for me and I will be free.
Ralph Waldo Emerson says "For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness"
Last night was a difficult night because I had to make a decision about letting go of some toxic things in my life. It was only then that I realised this. Friends are friends - if friends feel that they can replace you with others people then they aren't your friends and they will always have tenuous friendships because they are looking for someone who is more fun, more rich, more popular more whatever - but to me friends are friends.
I love my friends for who they are. I know their faults, they know mine. We love each other anyway.
I have also discovered that you don't forgive those who have wronged you for their sake. You do it for yours. WOW. BIG FAT HAIRY WOW. That is something I never got. I always thought I was forgiving and was a better person for it. But really I wasn't fully forgiving because I still carried it. Now I know I forgive others for myself not for them. I forgive so I can let it go, forget it, lighten my load and carry on.
So to end again I say be kind to others. It takes very little to accept and acknowledge we are all very very human and need love, support and understanding. Once again, if this is not possible then do nothing. Don't gossip, backstab, or denigrate - just do nothing.