Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Affirmation Day 16

I don't suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.  ~Author Unknown

I have probably suffered from depression most of my life.  It probably was of such a low grade as a teenager and during my twenties that it was not affecting my life.  I recall weekends where I needed to stay in bed and sleep and I think this was keeping me balanced during those years.  

However, in my 30's and after having kids and as life became tougher than my black dog grew larger and started to growl.  I was able to keep him heeled with medication for about 8 years but in the last twelve months he began preying on me.  Stalking me and keeping me prisoner.

This depression is something I am just going to have to learn to live with.  It is never going away.  I will be able to manage it most of the time but sometimes it will get the better of me.

It is as much a part of me as my arms and legs.  I am learning to embrace it and turn it around and use it to my advantage.  My depression has given me creativity and I think a depth of character that I did not know I had.

I am stronger than I thought and have survived more than most ever should.  Don't begin to presume you know what this may be as I have not written about most of it as it is private and something I deal with in therapy.  

So I am going to revel in my depression, celebrate my eccentricity and be grateful to have experienced more than most people ever do.  It is not always pretty but when you are well enough it sure the hell gives you perspective.

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