For the third time this year I have been discharged from hospital. I pray, wish, hope with everything I have that this is it. That this is the last time I have to go in to hospital and of course the last time I have to be discharged.
Hospital is good when it is needed but I just want to be strong and not need it. I will take every offer of support and help going. I will rest, live simply, take one day at a time and not over do things.
I will do my art and also go to CBT follow up and keep revising my CBT skills. I will try to keep stress out of my life and remember to do pleasant activities for myself on a daily basis.
You may think, gosh, why is this so hard. My answer is - I don't know. I don't know why I have fallen in a heap. I don't know why I have not found it easier to recover. I just don't know. I never will know. I never will understand and I just have to accept that it is what it is.
Having a disabled child and going through financial hardship certainly have not helped but I have lived with those two stresses for longer than this year. I think I just got to a stage where I suddenly could not take one more stress. I was saturated and over flowing with stress.
Learning to let go is hard. It is much harder than you realise. But I will keep at it and do my best. Afterall, that is all I can do.