Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Third time's a charm

For the third time this year I have been discharged from hospital.  I pray, wish, hope with everything I have that this is it.  That this is the last time I have to go in to hospital and of course the last time I have to be discharged.

Hospital is good when it is needed but I just want to be strong and not need it.  I will take every offer of support and help going.  I will rest, live simply, take one day at a time and not over do things.

I will do my art and also go to CBT follow up and keep revising my CBT skills.  I will try to keep stress out of my life and remember to do pleasant activities for myself on a daily basis.

You may think, gosh, why is this so hard.  My answer is - I don't know.  I don't know why I have fallen in a heap.  I don't know why I have not found it easier to recover.  I just don't know.  I never will know.  I never will understand and I just have to accept that it is what it is.

Having a disabled child and going through financial hardship certainly have not helped but I have lived with those two stresses for longer than this year.  I think I just got to a stage where I suddenly could not take one more stress.  I was saturated and over flowing with stress.

Learning to let go is hard.  It is much harder than you realise.  But I will keep at it and do my best.  Afterall, that is all I can do.

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