Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Today I feel very angry.  Angry that I am still as depressed as ever.  Angry that I can't help myself or get outside help that is effective.  The song below perfectly describes how I feel today. I feel like one of those rats or mice running in a wheel.  Feeling hot and bothered but getting nowhere.


This anger does me no good.  It just adds fuel to an already raging fire of guilt and helplessness.  I should, I could, are bad statements.  I have to get over those statements according to CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy). 


I am frozen with fear and fury and not able to do anything to help myself.  It is a fucked up situation.





"Bullet With Butterfly Wings"

The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get, for my pain?
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game

Even though I know - I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold - like old job

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal
But can you fake it, for just one more show?
And what do you want?
I want to change
And what have you got, when you feel the same?

Even though I know - I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold - like old job

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Tell me I'm the only one
Tell me there's no other one
Jesus was the only son, yeah.
Tell me I'm the chosen one
Jesus was the only son for you

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
And someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a-
Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a-
Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a cage

Tell me I'm the only one
Tell me there's no other one
Jesus was the only son for you

[x4]
And I still beleive that I cannot be saved